Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Making memories of us...

As I was going about my normal day to day chores today, I kept walking through my hallways and more today than normal I kept noticing the family portraits we have on our walls. The last ones we took were 15 months ago. I understand that some families do photos a couple times during their children's childhood, but I have only one family portrait that was taken during my childhood. Just one. It bums me out a lot since my father is no longer with us and the opportunity has long passed us by to get another family photograph. When I became a mother, I vowed to capture every single moment I could possibly capture on film or video. Every year I create videos for my kids to see what we did throughout that year. My most recent video you can view here: http://Vimeo.com/83703202. I want my children to have all of important moments of their life available to see. Family photos for us are on once a year, usually in the spring. This year it slipped by and I haven't given much thought to it. I know it's difficult to share, but I am overweight. It's hard for me after being underweight more than 2/3's of my life to see myself now and what I look like. I especially have a hard time in photos because I nit-pick everything about myself. Last year I even did a little 'creative editing' in our family photos to appear smaller than I was. So fast forward 15 months and I am officially heavier than I was in our last family photos. I don't want to skip a year because if I skip one year, I will skip another and so on. I need to just bite the bullet and get the photos taken. This may be an unfortunate time in my life looks wise but I know that in the future, I will be grateful to have had this moment in my life on film whether I lose the weight or not. My kids are only getting older and maybe in the future I will lose the weight and maybe I won't... But I do know that life shouldn't stop because I weigh more than I think I should. Like the case with my dad. He isn't with us anymore, and I only have a handful of photos to look at to remind me of him. Life isn't going to stop or slow down... Life is going to keep going so I need to make sure to document it the way it is happening. I think as a woman, I struggle with body image more often than I should, especially after becoming a mom and watching my body go through so many changes. We all want to be beautiful, but regardless of if we are at our perfect weight, are having a good hair day or have the perfect outfit, what matters most is the moments we share with our families. My kids don't care if I'm heavy or too short or have roots in my hair, so why take it from them when it's my worry, not theirs. We need to embrace ourselves as we are. I guess I should go make that photo appointment for my family (and maybe work out?). :) -Crystal

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